Latest News from DaBearHouse

Christmas is fast approaching and DaBearHouse is looking rather festive. Bears have a number of seasonal concerns. These matters will be raised at the weekly meeting. So far the agenda looks like this:

1. How soon can bears put on their Christmas hats and pose for pictures?
2. When will the house be empty over Christmas? A raid on the drinks cabinet is planned and party date needs confirming.
3. Annual Carol Concert - need to agree programme; usual furry favourites are:

• Ding Dong Bearily on High,
• In the Bleak Bear Winter,
• O Little Town of Bearyhem,  
• The Honey and the Ivy.

4. Christmas Grooming Session needs to be set up for all those with bow-tie issues, floppy ears, missing eyes and dusty fur. Bears want to look their best for the big day.

Bears have also decided to picket Mrs Bear on her next visit to the spare bedroom to demand Christmas waistcoats.

(NB Mrs Bear has now agreed to this demand and will start sewing. Waistcoats should be ready by Christmas 2015.)

Bears on Honeymoon

There was great excitement IndaBearHouse today when it was announced that Flora and Freddy would be going on Honeymoon and that there was one space available in the hand luggage for the right furry companion. To make things fair, Flora announced that  applications were welcome from all bears under 12 inches in height. Each application would be considered carefully and the best bear for the holiday would be awarded a place.

Bears went flying and so did the ink as furry paws grappled for paper and pen.  Then... silence and the sound of scribbling, pentop licking and head scratching.

Flora being in Admin and a stickler for organization, lost no time in pasting the results of this furry frenzy into a table which she put up on the noticeboard with a feedback column so that everyone could find out how they got on:

Rescue Bear	As a bear with a disability (one eye) I feel I would be the most politically correct choice to accompany you on honeymoon. Also I feel that if another bear were chosen to go it might be because, having 2 eyes they are able to be more decorative to the surroundings than a bear with a paltry one eye. I will of course understand if you don’t choose me – after all not everyone wants to be seen with a one-eyed bear. However, I must point out that such big cities as London and Edinburgh must surely provide the means of procuring another eye and therefore even more of a reason why I should go.	Dear Rescue Bear, Thankyou so much for your application. We were honoured to be able to consider you for the holiday. This time you have not been successful, however we would like to state that at no point have we taken number of eyes into consideration when making our decision. We will be looking in to the matter of your missing eye with all due haste so that you do not feel disadvantaged in future.
McPurple	Having been on at least one honeymoon before, I feel I am in the best position to appreciate another one. Being the only bear who has crossed the atlantic it also gives me an edge when it comes to finding my way around and understanding the local culture.	Dear McPurple of the Clan McPurple. Och Eye! Och Eye the Noo! (please note that was not a discriminatory comment, referring to the fact that you have two Och Eyes rather than one).  Given your undoubted superior suitability for the task, we felt that this equipped you with finer feelings and the ability to be magnanimous enough to withdraw your application to give other, less well-travelled bears a chance.
Smallest	Being very small I would fit in the suitcase with no trouble – I would even fit outside the suitcase. I would be no trouble, being very small, would not be in the way, would definitely not be any trouble, would not be noticed by anyone and generally would hardly be there at all. Also, the smaller you are the bigger the adventure and being the smallest bear, my adventure would be bigger than everyone else’s, as I would get,  so to speak, more adventure for my (your) money. In these days of credit crunching I feel that anything that gets a bear more for their money should be the most obvious choice. Also I would like to reiterate that I would be no trouble.	Dear Smallest, you put a very good point across – several times! However, being so small as to hardly be there at all, may not be very beneficial so it is with regret that we are turning down your application this time. However, please do not be put off applying in future. If we need a bear to be ‘barely there’ on a holiday, then you would be the perfect choice.
Charlie Bear	I would love to go to the moon. I also love honey and would like to get as much of it as possible during the holiday. However if I should consent to accompany you on your journey I think it only fair that you provide a little more information, perhaps some leaflets showing exactly how much honey I could expect per day and whether there are any local customs on the moon that I might need to be aware of in order to blend in with the natives.	Dear Charlie Bear, we were a little concerned about your motives and in fact, whether you had been in the room when the competition was explained. However, if we ever decide to launch a bear into space, we’ll let you know!

Mothball	I am not really sure why I should be chosen to go on a honeymoon as I am not sure if I have a space suit or actually, whether I really like honey (I prefer cheese) but I think it would be rude not to enter the competition, especially since everyone else is doing it and that actually makes me wonder whether they know something I don’t and so yes please I would definitely like to be considered for a place.	Dear Mothball, while it appears that the others do indeed know something you don’t, we think perhaps some more time at home studying would benefit you greatly. See above for further explanation.
Winston	First of all I would like to cite my travel experience. I am an experienced traveller, having travelled widely in Norfolk and also across the border to Wales and over the sea to Ireland (where I fully absorbed the local culture by wearing an appropriately patriotic t-shirt and shamrock hat, drinking the local brew and pot-holing in the local caves). Scotland is the only country in Great Britain that I have not yet visited and this opportunity is too good to miss. It would be a great cultural education, I could continue my research (under Professor Darwin’s excellent tuition) and write an interesting paper about the Scots for the Bear’s Cultural Journal which would benefit not only myself and our family but the wider community of bears who would learn through my experiences. Also I have heard the whiskey in Scotland is very good and wonder how it compares to Ireland’s national drink. This also might be an appropriate subject for research. Being a slightly larger bear than some I understand it might not be so easy for me to travel round with you during the day but you could drop me off in a local pub where I could sit, researching the local whiskeys and you could pick me up on way back to the hotel where I could write up my findings.	Dear Winston, after due consideration we are slightly worried about the research aspect of the holiday – particularly the whiskey element. We weren’t exactly sure how much writing up would get done after your day’s research in the local pubs...  However we appreciate the fact that you were interested in the cultural and educational aspects of the trip – a very worthy aspiration!
Humphrey	As your PA I feel it would be most appropriate for me to accompany you wherever you go, including on honeymoon, in case I can be useful. I feel it’s only fair since you took me in and gave me a home and a useful position in life to repay you by devoted service and following you around everywhere.	Dear Humphrey, this is a very good point. We appreciate devoted service and wonder whether the other bears should take a leaf out of your book. You may indeed be VERY useful and in return you could benefit from the exciting cultural opportunities (when you are not running errands that is).
Muesli	Never go anywhere, never do anything, nobody actually cares anyway, but if anybody did, a good way to show it would be for me to go on a honeymoon.	Dear Muesli, we are very sorry you feel this way. Have you heard the expression ‘chip on the shoulder’? We would be happy to pay for some counselling.